Funny Free Jokes Pictures: Really Funny Joke Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Thursday 11 July 2013

Really Funny Joke Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Really Funny Joke Biography

source(google.com.pk)

An old farmer is sitting on his porch when a young man pulls up in a car and says, "Excuse me, sir. I notice you have milkweed growing in your field, may I get some milk?"

The old fellow chuckles to himself and says "You can't get milk from milkweed young man."

The young man says, "I think I can sir, if you'll let me try." The farmer says "Well you just go right ahead then."

An hour later the young man returns four gallons of milk and sets one on the porch. "Thank you sir, this ones for your kindness." gets in his car and leaves.

The farmer is stunned. The next day the same young man pulls up and says, "I notice you have honeysuckle growing in the hedgerow, do you mind if I gather some honey?" The farmer says, "You don't get honey from honeysuckle son." The young man says, "I think I can sir, if you'll let me try." The farmer gives his consent and is amazed when the man comes back later with 4 quarts of honey and leaves one for the old farmer.

The next day the same young man pulls up and says, "Excuse me sir, I notice you have some pussy-willows growing next to your pond" The farmer jumps up and says "Hold on son, let me get my hat."

Who Knew???

To remove a bandage painlessly, Saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive.

To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, Fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, Let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

To clean your eyeglasses, Simply wipe the lenses with a soft, Clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka And letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

Spray vodka on wine stains, Scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face. As an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, And stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka And spray bees or wasps to kill them.

Pour one-half cup vodka And one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag And freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, Pain or black eyes.

Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar With freshly packed lavender flowers, Fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly And set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, Then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

To relieve a fever, use a wash cloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

To cure foot odor, Wash your feet with vodka.

Vodka will disinfect And alleviate a jellyfish sting.

Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy To remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.

At the first lawyer's office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, "Okay, let's get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?"

The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "two plus two is four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, "How much is two plus two?"

The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. "According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, "I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?"

The lawyer pulled the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

One day a man went to see his doctor complaining about severe migraine headaches.

After a long examination the doctor told the man that somehow his balls were pressing very tightly against the base of his spine and this was causing the man to have migraine headaches. The doctor concluded the balls would have to come off.

The man thought this was rather drastic, so he went to another doctor for a second opinion.

"Your balls are pressing up against your spine causing the headaches," said the doctor, "The balls will have to be amputated." Finally the man decided to have the operation. He went to the first doctor and had it done.

Two years passed and the man was walking down the street when he came across a tailor's shop. Wearing the same thing he had been for years, the man decided to go in and get some new threads. The tailor took one look at the man as he walked in and said,"I'll bet your pants size is 36x32."

"That's amazing,"said the man,"how on earth did you know?" "I get paid to know these things," replied the tailor.

After he was fitted in pants the tailor looked at the man and told him exactly what his shirt size was without measuring him once. "That is just too cool! How did you know?" asked the man. "I get paid to know this kind of stuff."

Pretty soon the tailor had the man decked out in a full 3 piece suit with a rather smart had to go with it all. Not once did the tailor measure the man for his clothes. "I get paid to know these things,"is what he would say.

After all that the man decided he wanted some new underwear to make him comfortable in his new suit. "I'll bet you wear 36 medium," the tailor said, eyeballing the man. "HA! You're wrong!" said the man, "I wear 34 medium!" "That's ridiculous," replied the tailor,"if you wore size 34 medium underwear, you'd press your balls way too tight against your spine causing severe migraine headaches."