Funny Free Jokes Pictures: Funny Jokes And Riddles Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes And Riddles Biography

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Q. What did the red light say to the green light?
A. "Don't look! I am changing!"

Q. There is a one story house. The walls are pink, the floor is pink, the stove and cupboards are pink. What color are the stairs?
A. There aren't any stairs because it is a one story house!

Q. What is black and white and read all over?
A. A newspaper.

Q. What has 4 eyes but can't see?

A. Mississippi

Q. What is a pampered cow?

A. Spoiled milk!

Q. 20 people jumped in to the pool and 24 heads popped out. How is that possible?

A. 20 foreheads!

Q. What is a cat's favorite color?

A. PURRple!

Q. A man lived on the 13th floor. Every morning he would ride the elevator to go to work. On his way home he rode the elevator to 7th floor then got out and walked up the stairs to the 13th floor. On rainy days he would go all the way up. Why?

A. The man was too short and couldn't reach the button for the 13th floor, however on rainy days he used his umbrella to reach the 13th floor button.

Q. What kind of vehicle does a lamb drive?

A. A LAMBorghini!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

A. Because he didn't have the guts.

Q. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A. A dinoSNORE.

Q. Why did the boy bury his flashlight?

A. Because the batteries were dead!

Q. There are 20 birds in a tree. A man comes and shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left?

A. None, because all the birds flew away after hearing the gun shot.

Q. Why did the emu cross the road?

A. Because it was the chicken's day off.

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

A. Because there was a KFC on the other side!

Q. What lights up the soccer stadium?

A. The match!

Q. So you're in a dark room and you have a match, an oil lamp, a fireplace, a wood burning stove and a torch. Which one do light first?

A. The match!

Q. What kind of fish is good with tools?

A. Hammer-head shark!

Q. What are a shark's favorite games?

A. Swallow the Leader and Go Fish!

Q. What do you call two robbers?

A. A pair of knickers!

Q. What do you get when you cross an octagon with a cat?

A. An octopus.

Q. What jumps higher than a building?

A. Everything, buildings don't jump.

Q. Why did the hamburger go to the gym?

A. It wanted better buns.

Q. Why is the ice rink so cold?

A. There are a lot of fans there.

Q. What tree do fingers grow off of?

A. A palm tree!

Q. How many apples can you fit into an empty box?

A. One, after that the box won't be empty anymore!

Q. Why are pirates called pirates?

A. Because they ARRR!!!!

Q. Why did the banana go to hospital?

A. Because he wasn't peeling very well!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the street?

A. To get to her chicks!

Q. What room doesn't have walls?

A. A mushroom!

Q. What has 3 feet but cannot walk?

A. A yardstick!

Q. Why should you never shower with a pokemon?

A. Because they Pikachu (peek at you).

Q. What is brown and has a head and tail but no arms and legs?

A. A coin.

Q. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

A. If they flew over the bay they would be called bagels!

Q. What is in the middle of the sea?

A. The letter E!

Q. What do pirates say when they get hurt?

A. "Argh!"

Q. What did the ghost say the skeleton?

A. "You are SPOOKING me out!"

Q. What time is it when you go to the dentist?

A. Tooth hurty!

Q. What is as big as an elephant?

A. An elephant's shadow.

Q. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

A. "You're too young to smoke!"

Q. What kind of karate does a pig learn?

A. Pork Chop!

Q. What day do fries like?

A. FRY-days!

Q. What flower grows between your nose and chin?

A. Tulips!

Q. Why did the bacon laugh?

A. Because the egg cracked a yoke.

Q. What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A. Ban-ana-na!

Q. What do you do when you see a space man?

A. Park your car man!

Q. What kind of music does a mountain like?

A. Rock music!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

A. Because he had no BODY to go with.

Q. Why are cooks cruel?

A. Because they whip cream and beat eggs

Q. What did Batman say to Robin before he got into the car?

A. "Robin get in the car!"

Q. Why did Mickey go to space?

A. To find Pluto.

Q. Why did the child study on the airplane?

A. Because he wanted a higher education.

Q. What has lots of holes in it but can still hold water?

A. A sponge.

Q. What is Barbie's favorite state?

A. KENtucky!

Q. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A. It was stuck to the chicken's foot!

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of a turtle?

A. "Weeeee!"

Q. Which letter of the alphabet has the most people in it?

A. Q (queue).

Q. Why can't Batman go fishing?

A. Because Robin would eat all the worms!

Q. What do you get when a cow is in an earthquake?

A. A milkshake!

Q. One day a group of students went to the zoo. The lion gate was opened and the students weren't frightened. Why?

A. There weren't any lions in the cage!

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A. No eye deer!

Q. What do you get when you cross a dog and a rose?

A. A Collie-flower!

Q. How do you know clams are lazy?

A. They are always in their beds.

Q. Why did the tissue dance?

A. It had a little boogie in it!

Q. Why did the bee feel cold?

A. Because it is in the middle of A and C.

Q. There are 30 white horses on a red hill. They chomped, they stomped, then they stood still. What are they?

A. Your teeth .

Q. What Jedi can you eat?

A. Obi Wan Cannoli!

Q. What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

A. I don't know, a Hershey BAAH?!

Q. What is as big as you but doesn't weigh anything?

A. Your shadow.

Q. A man leaves home. He takes 3 left turns and returns home facing 2 men in masks, who are the men?

A. The catcher and the umpire.

Q. A boy is 2 years old, his brother is half as old as him. When the first boy is 100, how old will his brother be?

A. 99!

Q. What do you get when you mix a rabbit and a snake?

A. A jump rope!

Q. How do you make an elephant float?

A. A jug of root beer, two scoops of ice cream, a cherry and one elephant.

Q. What does an alligator drink when it is sick?

A. Gatorade!

Q. What starts with an E and ends with an E and contains one letter?

A. An envelope!

Q. Romeo and Juliet are found dead on the floor in a bedroom. When they were discovered, there were pieces of glass and some water on the floor. The only furniture in the room is a shelf and a bed. The house is in a remote location, away from everything except for the nearby railroad track. What caused the death of Romeo and Juliet?

A. Romeo and Juliet are fish. The rumble of the train knocked the tank off the shelf.

Q. What smells gross when living and good when dead?

A. Bacon!

Q. What did the hot dog say after the race?

A. "I'm the weiner!"

Q. How did the sheep get red cheeks?

A. It was MAAHD!

Q. Johnnny's mom has 5 kids. They were named January, February, March, and April. Who was the fifth kid?

A. Johnny!

Q. Mr. Green lives in a green house. Mr. Blue lives in a blue house and Mrs. Pink lives in a pink house. Who lives in the White House?

A. The President!

Q. What do you call a sheep and a kangaroo put together?

A. A wooly jumper!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. To get to the other side!

Q. Where did the oshrtich go and get a new tail?

A. The Re-tail store!

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?

A. Swimming trunks!

Q. What did one wall say to the other wall?

A. "Meet you at the corner!"

Q. What starts with an P and ends with an E and has 1,000 letters in it ?

A. A post office.

Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A. Because 7 8 9!

Q. Why was the Egyption girl sad?

A. Because her daddy became a mummy!

Q. What is a ducks favourite food?

A. Cheese and QUACKers!

Q. What did the earth say to the earthquake ?

A. "You crack me up!"

Q. What has a lot of twins and lives in a box and has a head bigger than its body ?

A. A matchstick!

Q. What do you call a dog who always knows the time?

A. A watchdog!

Q. What do bees use to tidy their hair?

A. A honey comb.

Q. Did you hear the one about the fox with no ears?

A. He didn't either.

Q. What day do fish hate?

A. FRYday because they get fried!

Q. What are the strongest days of the week?

A. Saturday and Sunday because all the rest are WEAK days!

Q. Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

A. She was late for the ball!

Q. What kind of bow is impossible to tie?

A. A rainbow!

Q. If the red house is on the left and the blue house is on the right, where's the white house?

A. In Washington D.C. !

Q. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

A. Footprints.

Q. What did the plate say to the other plate?

A. "Foods on me tonight!"

Q. Who is bigger Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?

A. Mr Bigger's baby, because the baby is just a little Bigger.

Q. How do you know that an elephant is going on holiday ?

A. Because he packed his trunk.

Q. What bank should you never put your money in?

A. A riverbank!

Q. What did the mayo say when the refrigerator opened?

A. "Close the door, I'm dressing."

Q. A man enters a chemist shop, whispers something in the ear of the chemist and stands behind. After a few seconds the chemist took out his gun, pointed it at the man and kept it back. The man says, "Thank you!" to the chemist and walks away. What do you think the man whispered in the chemist's ear?

A. The man asked if he had a cure for the hiccups!

Q. Why did the student throw his watch out of the class window?

A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. There is a woman who lives in a 100 storey building. She fell out her window and landed with a few scrapes and scratches. How is this posibile?

A. She lived on the 1st floor!

Q. Why did the spider buy a car?

A. So he could take it out for a spin!

Q. What animal carries an umbrella around?

A. A reindeer!

Q. What is in fingers, toolboxes and snails?

A. Nails!

Q. Why was the banana not at fruit school?