Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Biography
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Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while you're having sex?
A: Phone her and tell her.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A: Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
Q: Whats the difference between Like and Love?
A: Spit and Swallow.
Q: Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?
A: Its for dickheads.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.
Q: Why don't little girls fart?
A: Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Q: What is a lesbian's favorite ice cream?
A: A Klondike Bar
Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A: At least one of his fingers is clean.
Q: Why did the condom fly across the room?
A: Because it got pissed off.
Q: Why are women like screen doors?
A: Once they get banged a few times they loosen up.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine
Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A: The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
Q: What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A: Fur traders.
Q: What's better than a rose on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A: When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Q: How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A: The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop?
A: To let the lumber jack off.
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss all three.
Q: What's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A: The cumming of the Lord.
Q: Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill' that women can take immediately before sex?
A: They're called 'Predickamints'
Q: What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A: Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball and actually find it.
Q: What's the difference between jam and jelly?
A: You can't jelly your dick into a vagina.
Q: What are the two greatest lies?
A: "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."
Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A: They're both filled with stiffs, one's coming, one's going.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?
A: Say, “Nice dick.”
Q: How do you know you’re leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends.”
Q: What do you call a Serbian prostitute...?
A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch
Q: Whats 69 and 69?
A: Dinner for four.
Q: How do you recycle a used tampon?
A: As a tea-bag for vampires.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
A: Are you going to eat that?
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Q: What do you call a person who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
Q: What's the logo for the new Polish tampon?
A: "We may not be number 1, but were still up there!"
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A: You can bang your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?
A: He sits down and works it out with a pencil.
Q: What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both squirm when you eat them.
Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q: What's the difference between love and herpes?
A: Love doesn't last forever.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What's the best thing about a blow job?
A: Ten minutes silence.
Q: What's the definition of a Yankee?
A: Same thing as a quickie, only you do it yourself.
Q: Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A: Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Q: How can you tell a macho woman?
A: She rolls her own tampons.
Q: What's the definition of skyjacking?
A: A hand job at 32,000 feet.
Q: How does James Bond like his pussy?
A: Shaven, not furred.
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.
Q: How do you know when a female bartender is mad at you ?
A: There's a string hanging out of your bloody marry.
Q: What do you find in a clean nose?
A: Fingerprints!
Q: What did the corn chip say to the battery?
A: I'm Frito Lay if your Ever Ready
Q: What's black, white, and red all over?
A: A freshly whipped nun.
Q: What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A: Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q: Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank? A: Sperm is handmade.
Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They are both substitute meats.
Q: How can you tell which one is the head nurse?
A: She's the one with the dirty knees.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A: About two or three inches.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68, at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A: One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".
Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Q: What's the difference between a band leader and a gynecologist?
A: A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q: What is organic dental floss?
A: Pubic hair
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, Lie to me!
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father’s have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: What's the difference between a radial tire and 365 used rubbers?
A: One is a Goodyear, the other is a GREAT FUCKING YEAR!
Q: What do you get if you cross a nun with a computer?
A: A system that won't go down.
Q: What do horny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs
Q: How do you define a "tough girl"
A: She kick starts her own vibrator, or she rolls her own tampons
Q: Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A: Cos he only comes once a year.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".
Q: How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
A: You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Q: What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A: A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Q: What's the difference between a BONUS and a PENIS?
A: Your wife will blow your bonus.
Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A: "Is it in?"
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard I just got laid last night."
Q: What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backwards?
A: He keeps coming and coming and coming...
Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
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Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
Funny Jokes For Adults Dirty Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013
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