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Long Funny Jokes Biography

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Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

A visiting professor at the University of Chicago is giving a seminar on the supernatural creatures.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many students over here really believe in ghosts?"

About 100 students raise their hands.

"Well, that is really turning up exciting.The ones who really believe in ghost out of them how many of you believe that they have seen a ghost?"

Around 50 students raise their hands.

"That is very well. I'm glad that you guys are taking this seriously."

Has anyone of you over here talked to a ghost?"

Twenty students raise their hands.

"That is an excellent response. Has anyone here made contact with a ghost?"

Five students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further: Has any one from you of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back seat raises his hand. The professor is gets amazed and astonished.

The professor then takes off his glasses, he takes a step forward and then says, "Son, all these years I have been giving this kind of lecture and no one has ever claimed that he has slept with a ghostt. You have really got to come up over here and tell us about your experience with the ghost."

The redneck pupil (remembering, that this is Chicago) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the stage.

The professor then says, "Well, tell us about what it feels like to have sex with a ghost."

The student then replies "What ghost!? Well I thought you said Goats.'"

Once the mental hospital of the biggest city in the country was critically overcrowded. So the doctors decided to get all the patients in one big room so that they could conduct a big test to see that how many patients they can discharge in the following start of the week.

When all the patients were seated on their chairs, the doctors drew a full size door on the black board which was hanging on the wall, the doctor told the patients that they would give the person an ice cream who will open this door.

So all of a sudden there was a mad rush while the patients were sctracting at the board in their attempt to try to open the door and get an ice cream.

The doctors were very disappointed at last, they saw a single patient who remained seated on his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he was watching his fellow patients who were trying to open the door.

The doctors were encouraged that at least one of the patient could be discharged in the following week, the doctors then asked him that why he was not trying to open the door and get an ice cream for himself.

Once upon a time there was a person who was living in a poor city. He wakes up early in the morning and takes a good breakfast. On that day he starts wandering around in a scorching weather. The sun at that time was full at top. Birds were chirping on the branches of trees and suddenly he saw a beautiful garden where the children’s were playing and he think that he should go there and have some rest. He lay on a green pasture and start seeing on the sky to watch the birds. He is feeling so good at that time and enjoying the whole weather, suddenly he saw a beautiful coconut tree at the side of him and the coconuts were hanging on it. The coconut tree fascinates him and his mouth was full of water and he thinks he should have some coconuts, and then he stood up and holds the one branch of coconut tree to which the coconuts are attached. He starts jerking it so that the coconut will fall down but he slips and hang with the coconut tree just like a coconut and then he starts yelling and calling for help. Now a scenario was that his legs were flying in the air.

In a mean while a person with the camel came there and he saw a person was hanging with the coconut tree then he moves forward to help him by standing on the camel back and starts pulling the hanging person. The camel saw a green pasture and moves towards it for grassing and now the situationwasthatthe camel person was also hanging with the legs of already hanging person. Now both are yelling and calling for help loudly.

After a while a person with the elephant came there and saw both persons were hanging there with coconut tree. The person try to help them by seeing around but did not find any suitable thing to help them then a person with the elephant try the same thing by pulling their legs by standing on the elephant back but the elephant also moves away. Now the scenario was that, the person with the elephant also became a part of this story. The elephant and camel person said loudly to the top hanging person that please did not leave the branch of tree and person with the elephant said that I will gave you 1000$ if you did not leave it. The person will become happy to hear this. A person with the camel said that I will gave you 2000$ and also a pure tubs of honey if you did not leave that branch. A person with the elephant hears that thing and said to hanging person that I will give you 3000$.

Person with camel said: I will give you 4000$.

Once upon a time there was a conference of women’s held worldwide. All women’s from all over the world participate in this conference for their right. The agenda was the ‘Rights of women’. The conference was organised in a very elegant way. All the members participating in the conference are very enthusiastic and active. The seating arrangements are well mannered and for every country there was a name written on the slab that was placed at the front of table. In front of every table there was a tea placed on it and having some biscuits aside it. There was also a mineral bottles placed on every table. The microphones are also placed on every desk so that everyone can speak from their table with ease. There are also some peons moving around whose duty is to facilitate every table. That conference was held free of cost that every woman from all over the world can participate in it. Comfortable leather chairs are placed that a one can even sleep on it with open eyes.

Now the starting time of conference was announced. All the members sat on their places. First participant of women was from the England and said in the conference that ‘we all England women’s agree that we will never work in our home from now’ and we committed on this issue. One of the women said that when I went to my house then I said to my husband that from now onward I will never cook food for you and you have to cook it by yourself. First day I saw he did not do anything and I am looking at him with silent. Second day he was not doing anything again and I was still quiet and looking his attitude but on the third day I saw ‘he cooked a very delicious roast………’All the women’s sitting in the conference starts clapping and very impressed from her husband changing in attitude.

A second member name was announced and she was from Unite States. She said in the speaker that last time we all women’s from United States agreed that we will never work more in our houses. She said that when I went to my house I saw my husband was watching a TV and eating snacks with so much scattered things around him and I told him that I will never wash your clothes and you have to clean it by yourself from now. On first day he did not do anything and I was just ignoring him what he was doing. Second day he was not doing anything and this time I still ignored him but on the third day I saw he was washing his clothes in the backyard and asked from me that if you have any clothes to wash please give me.

A third member name was announced and she was from India. She said last time in the conference we all Indian women committed on that we will never work more for our husbands now. One of the Indian women said that when I went to my house I said to my husband that I will never iron your clothes and hang in the wardrobe from now and you have to do your all work by yourself. On a very next I did not saw anything. Second day again I did not saw anything but on the third day I saw a little bit when my swelling of eye became less.