Funny Free Jokes Pictures: Funny Jokes About Women Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Friday, 12 July 2013

Funny Jokes About Women Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes About Women Biography

source(google.com.pk)

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!"

A man is sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous, sexy, young woman enters. The man can’t stop staring at her. The young woman notices this and walks directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman says to him, "I'll do anything you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, with one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asks what the condition is. The young woman replies, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considers her proposition for a moment, withdraws his wallet from his pocket, and hands the woman five $20 bills. He looks deeply into her eyes and slowly says, "Paint my house."

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, F***, Etc."

A husband asks his wife:

- Darling, what would you like for your birthday?

- I don’t care as long as it has automatic transmission.

- Is it true that the family of your love hates you?

- It is true. His wife said she is ready to strangle me with her hands.

A yawning man demonstrates his impoliteness, a yawning woman – her capabilities.

Husband to wife:

- Darling, I have to confess you that when I’m having sex with you, I sometimes think about other women.

- Oh you bastard. When I have sex with other men, I always think about you!

- Do you love you wife?

- Of course, she isn’t worse than other ladies…

There are two ways to understand the logics of women. Unfortunately, none of them works.

A lady comes to fortune-teller, who can read palms.

- Will anyone marry me?

- No.

- But you haven't even looked at my palm.

- I see it from your face...

I am now sure that women know how to keep secrets. In groups. With 40 other women.

- I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight...

- But honey, what about our kid?

- What kid?

- So you are not you pregnant?!

Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?

Answer: a widow.

75% of women do not eat after 6... shots.

Strange thing about women's brain, there's nothing right in left side, and nothing left on the right side

I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say "Will", "You" and "Me". That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.

Don't you ever try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.

Wives can be only one of three kinds:

1. Pretty, but unloyal.

2. Loyal, but ugly.

3. Pretty and loyal, but inflatable.

I am very talented: I can open the wardrobe, put my clothes inside and close the

doors before they start falling out.

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says:

- Why did you have to bring a pig in with you?

The lady answers:

- Excuse me, I think this is a goose.

And the bartender says:

- Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.

The girl went to gynecologist. Undressed, opened her legs. The doctor says: -

Above! The girl picked up the legs above. The doctor says: - Above! Girl picked

up even higher. The doctor already screaming: - Above! Girl: - Well where I can

higher? I can't anymore! Physician - Gynecologist office upstairs! Here is

hairdresser!

The man tells his friend:

- My wife wants me to take her to

some luxurious place. I think I could take her to petrol station for gasoline...

Man writes an sms for a woman:

- And how are you in bed?

Receives an answer:

- I am ok ... fit in.

- What are you doing?

- I'm walking.

- But it's dark!

- I'm not afraid.

- Very brave?

- No... Very ugly.

Wife: I hate that beggar.

Husband: Why?

Wife: Yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a book "How to Cook"!

A wife and a husband sit in the room and enjoys a bottle of wine. Suddenly the

wife says:

- I love you.

Husband asks in surprise:

- Is that you or wine talking?

- This is me, I'm talking to wine.

Why married women are more fat than single ones? Single women return home, take a look what's inside the fridge and go to bed. Married women return home, take a look who's in bed and turns to fridge.

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From

under the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

-Hi darling, he says, -Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them.