Saturday 13 July 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Biography

source(google.com.pk)
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world’ and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said ‘I think…’ and it sucked her in.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
You can’t have everything, where would you put it?
I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
Strangers have the best candy.
Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you’re up to.
Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel…just hope it’s NOT a train!
I’m not littering… I’m donating to the earth.
If it doesn’t fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
If it weren’t for Edison, we’d be watching TV by candlelight.

We need help! While we are busy trying to create the worlds best collection of jokes and stories EVER we still need help in doing this. So thats why were calling on people just like you to help us.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris isnt even funny. Stop laughing.
Got your own Chuck Norris facts? Submit them here.

Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Mary: But peter! How could you say that? I love you! I would die for you?
Peter: Really? How soon?
Mary: Peter! Say you love me, please? Say you love me!
Peter: You love me...Nah kidding... Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
Mary: Why not ??
Peter: I'm broke.


Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
Why did she sell she shells on the sea shore when you can just walk down there and pick them up anyway?
If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later?
What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
Can crop circles be square?
If we had a president that was a woman, would her husband be the first man?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don’t all the fish die?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If a wheel-chair clad person becomes a comedian, is it still called standup?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
If pringles are ‘so good that once you start you cant stop’ then why do they come with resealable lids?
Is there anything easier done than said?
If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?

Two men are sitting in a bar in a very high building...
1st man to the 2nd: You know if you jump out that window, we are so high up, that the wind gust would float you right back up to the window.
2nd man doesn't believe him, so the 1st man demonstrates by jumping out the window, and sure enough, he floats right back up.
The 2nd can't believe his eyes and thinks he's too drunk and imagined it, the 1st man demonstrates, and again, he floats right back up.
The 2nd man finally decides to try it himself, jumps, and falls to his death.
The bartender looks at the 1st man and says, you're a real a****** when you're drunk superman!

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Jokes Videos Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Biography

source(google.com.pk)
Here is a lot to offer on funny joke pictures you can read it or you can watch it .In both cases you are in for enjoyment.

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted." I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma.

 There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

 I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.

Today I gave my dead batteries away....Free of charge.

 Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.

 Being honest may not get you a lot of FRIENDS but it'll always get you the RIGHT ONES.

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

 I'm so bright my mother calls me son.

My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

What fits your schedule better......Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?

Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver I know some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.

 If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist. Change is hard.

Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

 If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

Did you hear about the farmer who fed his cows birdseed and started selling cheep milk

A butcher goes on a first date and says 'It was nice meating you' 2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents?

Man that's Ludacris I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

It's been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!


I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

 I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.

I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

 "When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot......that way people visit more often."

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

Some of the lamest jokes of all time!

What do massage therapists eat for dinner? Spa-ghetti.

Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

Whats blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!

Why was the chicken happy? Everything was eggcellent.

What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage.

Why do fish live in saltwater? Pepper makes them sneeze.

What’s the strongest bird? A crane.

What insect is good at math? An account-ant.

What wobbles as it flies? A jelly-copter.

Now for one of my favorite:

What happened to the wooden car made of wooden wheels and a wooden engine?

It wooden go!!!

Haha! If you have any other lame (or great) joke submit them here. :)

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Joke Pictures Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Biography

source(google.com.pk)
Blond jokes were invented by brunettes, jealous of Marilyn Monroe getting to have sex with JFK.
Blond jokes are funny.
They're even funnier because they're true.

Two blonds walk into a bar, the brunette ducks.
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

A Blond was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blond."

The Blond then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blond checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The blond opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blond?"

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blond was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blonds," he replied.

The blond did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blonds," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blond?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Did you hear about the blond that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?
Did you hear about the blond that threw away her weight loss video because she noticed that the people on the video were not losing weight either?
Why can't you tell blonds knock-knock jokes?
Because they go answer the door.

What do you call a blond with a Chainsaw?
Dead.

There were three third graders walking down the street a redhead, brunnette, and a blond. Which one had the best figure?
The Blond, she was 18.

What's the difference between a blond guy and a blond girl?
The blond girl's sperm count is higher.

Why don't blonds like to breast feed their children?
Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.

How do you sink a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.

What do you call an intelligent blond?
A Golden Retriever.

What do you call five blonds laying on a beach
A public access.

What do you do if a Blond throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

What's the difference between peanut butter and a blond?
Peanut butter is difficult to spread.

Why do blonds have more fun?
They're easier to find in the dark.

Why do blonds like tilt steering?
More headroom.

A blond calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blond says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ...........

"Let's put all these Frosties back in the box."

A blond suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door and, sure enough, finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blond is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and aims it at her head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up. You're next, you bastard."

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Funny Blond Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Biography

source(google.com.pk)
What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved!! :D

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

;)

Q: Why did the helicopter crash?
A: Because the pilot was a peice of toast.

Q: Why did the kid fall off his bike?
A: Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.


In The Zone
Two elephants fell off a cliff.

Boom Boom

Music Swop Shop, M'bourne
Why was the sand wet? Because the seaweed.

got some more.

q.whats green and stands in a corner?? 
a. a naughty frog.

q.whats the difference between an elephant and a plum? 
a. there both purple except the elephant.

q. Whats purple and crawls?
a. a wounded grape.

q. whats yellow and flies through walls?
a. a magic banana.

q. where do you find a turtle with no legs?
a. where you found it!

here's a double

q. why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
a. because he was dead.
q. why did the squirell fall out of the tree?
a. because he was stapled to the monkey.

q. when is a door not a door?
a. when its ajar.

so i already wrote this joke

Q. Why did Billy fall of his bike??
A. Billy is a fish. 
:rolleyes:

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Cos she had no arms :D

this is old but, meh.

q. why did the bubblegum cross the road
a. because it was stuck to the chickens foot.

q, whats the difference between a baby and a banana

a, a banana doesn't scream when you peel it!!

q. wat do you call postman when he retires?

a. pat

What's funnier then a dead baby in a bucket?

A dead baby in 10 buckets.


How do you get four elephants in a mini-minor?
Two in the front and two in the back.

How do u know if an elephants been in the fridge?
There's footprints in the butter.

How do u know if there's been two elephants in the fridge?
There's two sets of footprints in the butter.

How do u know if there's been three elephants in the fridge?
There's three sets of footprints in the butter.

How do u know if there's been four elephants in the fridge?
There's a mini-minor parked outside.

Ricketts said:
Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

;)
HAHAHAHA  :D 
2 Muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Holy ****, its hot in here" The other muffin replies "Holy **** a talking muffin"

Whats pink n fluffy?
Pink fluff...

Why did the boy with one arm fall out of a tree?
Because his friend waved to him.

Whats brown n sticky?
A stick.

that'll do for now....

2 blondes walk into a bar...
you would of thought the first one would have seen it

what do you call a deer with no eyes???
no idea

what do you call a fly without wings??
a walk

how do you get three gays on one stool??
turn it upside down

what was the blonde doing up the tree???
raking leaves

Q. Why couldnt the cat get through the cat flap?
A. Because it was on a motorbike.

Q. Whats red and looks like a bucket?
A. A red bucket.

Q. What did one farmer say to the other farmer?
A. How's your farm?

lol

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back?

a stick!

:D:D

What did Tarzan say when he saw 48 elephants coming over the hills?
"Oh look, here comes 48 elephants over the hills"

What did Tarzan say when he saw 48 elephants coming over the hills wearing sunglasses?
Nothing he didn't recognise them.

Three blokes sailing on a raft in the ocran after their ship went down.

One sits at the edge, his leg dangling in the water. One of the others says to him "don't do that, a shark might bite your leg off".

Bloke says "nah, that won't happen, my dad's a typewriter".

Bloke walks into a bakery, "I'll have a loaf of vienna please"

Baker asks "you want it sliced or not sliced?"

Bloke says "doesn't matter, my motorbike's outside"

Q. How many abstracts does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Fish

Q. How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Eleven. One to change it, the other ten to explain how much better they could have done it.

Q. How many men does it take to clean a toilet?

A. None. It's a woman's job. :D

Two Irish women are knitting baby jumpers while watching TV. One says to the other "Hope mine's a boy, I've only got blue wool". Other one says "Hope mine's a mutant, I've buggered up the sleeves".

Paddy and Mick are walking down the street looking for work. They see a sign saying "tree fellers wanted". Paddy says to Mick, "Ah that's no good, there's only two of us".

Bloke walks into a barber shop, says to the barber "I want you to cut my hair so I look like Brad Pitt". Bloke falls asleep in the chair, wakes up half an hour later, completely bald. 
He looks in the mirror, shocked, and says "Brad Pitt doesn't look like this!!!!"
Barber says "He would if he came here".

Q: How Many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Let the b!^ch cook in the dark

Q: What do you say when Eddie McGuire is 3/4 buried in sand?
A: Not Enough Sand

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
A: Get Off the roof

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
A: Robin, get in the car.

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

Stupid But Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Biography

source(google.com.pk)
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Its easier than walking! 

Q: What kind of key opens a banana? 
A: A monkey! 
Q: Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? 
A: It was a vicious cycle. 

Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? 
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? 

Q: Why does a hummingbird hum? 
A: It doesn't know the words! 

Q: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? 
A: Because they dropped out of school! 

Q: What goes up and down but doesn't move? 
A: The temperature! 

Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? 
A: Neither, they both weigh a ton! 

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? 
A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue. 

Q: What has one horn and gives milk 
A: A milk truck. 

Q: Where do bulls get their messages? 
A: On a bull-etin board. 

Q: What do bulls do when they go shopping? 
A: They CHARGE! 

Q: What runs but can't walk? 
A: The faucet! 

Q: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? 
A: A water bed! 

Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? 
A: Firecrackers! 

Q: Why did the barber win the race? 
A: Because he took a short cut. 

Q: Where do boats go when they get sick? 
A: The dock 

Q: What do you call leftover aliens? 
A: Extra Terrestrials. 

Q: What's taken before you get it? 
A: Your picture. 

Q: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? 
A: You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup! 

Q: What concert costs 45 cents? 
A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback. 

Q: Can February March? 
A: No. But April May. Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet. 

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist? 
A: To get a root canal. 

Q: Why did the child study in the airplane? 
A: He wanted a higher education! 

Q: Why was the broom late? 
A: It over swept! 

Q: What caused the airline to go bankrupt? 
A: Runway inflation. 

Q: Did you hear the joke about the germ? 
A: Never mind. I don't want to spread it around 

Q: What do you call a person that chops up cereal. 
A: a cereal killer. 

Q: What do you call a crushed angle? 
A: a rectangle 

Q: Who do fish always know how much they weigh? 
A: Because they have their own scales. 

Q: What did the tie say to the hat? 
A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around! 

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? 
A: Because he was outstanding in his field. 

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise? 
A: A trum-pet! 

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping? 
A: He woke up. 

Q: What the difference between you and a calendar? 
A: a calendar has dates. 

Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? 
A: Bugs Bunny! 

Q: What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? 
A: Bridge over troubled water. 

Q: Did you hear about the ghost comedian? 
A: He was booed off stage. 

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? 
A: An offer you can't understand. 

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel? 
A: Nostralgia. 

Q: How do spiders communicate? 
A: Through the World Wide Web. 

Q: Why are chefs so mean? 
A: They beat eggs and whip cream. 

Q: Did you hear about the guy who's whole left side was cut off? 
A: He's all right now. 

Q: Did you hear about the paper boy? A: He blew away 

Q: What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? 
A: Arriba McEntire. 

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? 
A: An offer you can't understand. 

Q: Did you hear about the circus fire? 
A: Yeah, it was in’tents’. 

Q: Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? 
A: Their making headlines... 

Q: What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? 
A: a Vel-Crow. 

Q.Music Teacher: What's your favourite musicle instrument? 
A.Fat Kid: The lunch bell 

Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? 
A: She had a make-up exam! 

Q: Why did the insomniac man get arrested? 
A: He resisted a rest lol = Drowning Man. *lol* = Drowning Cheerleader. 

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013

100 Funny Jokes Free Pictures Images Photos Designs 2013